Maybe We've Died and This Is Hell
by EreshkigalGirl
Summary: Inspired by the school musical and absolute boredom. Rogue and Kitty are in their new musical, A Funny THing Happened on the Way to the Forum, only nobody knows Rogue's in it. Trust me, it's good.
1. Default Chapter

PRE-A/N: This story was inspired by being very bored during rehearsals of the school musical back at the end of April, which was A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM. Don't get too worried that this is serious, it's not. Not even a little. It probably won't be more that about three chaps, if that. It's short, and kinda hokey,  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own X-men, I had no part in putting together Evo, and I don't own any of the rights to A FUNNY THING... I even changed the names of the people I know that are featured here (but not much) so as to protect the so-called innocent.  
  
And away we go!  
  
Rogue wondered, for the hundred millionth time, how she had gotten roped into this. She sighed as she waited back stage during rehearsal, pulling on the itchy elastic waist of her sequined, billowy harem-pants costume with her thumbs. She was almost positive it was a Princess Jasmine outfit, bought straight from the Disney Store. How had she gotten here?  
  
Oh, yeah. She had been recruited for this musical because Ms. White had used her in the one last year; Dracula. Now Rogue was an Arabic courtesan, dressed like an overzealous reject from Arabian Nights. Luckily the psychotic dictator trying to pass herself off as a director had been fine with letting her be covered from head to foot. The stomach of Rogue's costume was actually a flesh-colored leotard under the pants and sparkly bra-top, complete with fringes hanging down. It was all itchy as hell and made Rogue grumpier than she would have been anyway.  
  
"Okay, Leo!" The dictator- er, director called out. "Say your line and we'll start the dance sequence. Rogue- you ready?"  
  
"Yeah!" she called back through the curtain that was serving as a door on the House of Marcus Lycus.  
  
"'For your most assured approval and your more than possible purchase,'" the sophomore in gold and pseudo-ancient Roman pimp attire recited, "'here are the fruits of my search. Behold... Tintinabula!'"  
  
Rogue stifled a growl and stepped through the curtain and struck a "vocational pose."  
  
"'Out of the East, with the face of an idol...the arms of a willow tree...and the pelvis of a camel,'" Leo finished the introduction.  
  
The music started from the pit, a keening, thrumming, belly dance music that cued Rogue to start her dance. They had worked for weeks on this number, combining Rogue's gymnastic and martial arts background with some steps and movements from a booklet on learning belly dancing to create as provocative a scene on stage as Principal Kelley and the superintendent would allow- prudes that they were.  
  
The music faded down and stopped. Rogue went back to her vocational pose and Ms. White exploded with joy.  
  
"Yes! Rogue! Perfect! Better than that has ever been! Good job."  
  
Rogue acknowledged the compliment with a half-hearted wave, secretly wishing she could just be done with it. Why did Kitty get the good part? One of only two female parts that had lines? True, it was the role of a ditzy blonde virgin whore, which almost fit Kitty perfectly, except for the 'virgin' part, especially since she'd dyed her hair blonde to get the part. But, damnit! Rogue wanted to be able to say something more than "Ooo!" while fawning over a jerk-off captain of the guard.  
  
After being dismissed, Rogue just went backstage to wait out the rest of rehearsal until she was needed to fawn. Over two hours later, rehearsal let out for the night. Rogue quickly changed out of her costume and into her normal clothes, making sure to hang it up, and not to touch anyone else by accident. She washed her face and reapplied her own make-up. Waiting for Kitty would be the hard part of the night. She liked to socialize afterwards.  
  
Unfortuantely, the only way Rogue was passing off staying late at school without letting on that she was in the musical was that she was Kitty's ride home, and she told everyone that she was doing her homework while watching practice. She waited outside the backstage door and listened to the tech crew joke around.  
  
"Maggie, come screw this for me!" one girl called, a teasing smirk on her face while she held up a black drape to a piece of two-by-four.  
  
"We should bring back the bier," a tiny blonde who reminded Rogue of a slouching wood-sprite said. The sole boy crew member looked quizzically at her. She rolled her eyes. "Not the BEER, the BIER!"  
  
Rogue sighed heavily and went to look around for Kitty.  
  
"Come on, girl!" she called into the green room. "Or Ah'm leavin' without ya!"  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Kitty yelled back, grabbing her backpack. "By Billy! Call me! E-mail me! See you tomorrow!"  
  
"Get ya tiny butt out ta the car!!!" Rogue snapped.  
  
"Alright, sheesh," Kitty said. "Honestly, you could, like, gimme two seconds to say good-bye."  
  
"Ya gonna see 'em at the crack o' dawn t'morrah, anyway," Rogue grumbled as she led the way to Jean's borrowed SUV. The girls chucked their bags into the back and tiredly climbed in.  
  
"Why don't you like want anybody to know you're in the play?" Kitty asked from the passenger seat on their way home.  
  
"Cuz it's not somethin' Ah want shouted around that Ah'm playin' a ho."  
  
"You played, like, a vampire ho in Dracula," Kitty pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, but the vampire thing saved it from me just bein' a slut," Rogue explained as she drove. "There's a big difference, trust me."  
  
Kitty rolled her eyes and settled back in her seat. 


	2. And then

Pre-A/N: And we're back! I still don't own anything.

Back at the Institute, the two girls were met by Jubilee who immediately pounced on Kitty for some serious gossip about what had gone on behind the scenes. Storm was walking to the stairs leading Jamie, forcibly reminding him that he should be getting ready for bed.

"Finally home, girls?" Ororo asked. (Thank you, Captain Obvious!) "How was rehearsal, Kitty?"

"Good, but we had to stop like twenty billion times for people," Kitty grumbled. "I was about ready to, like, hit someone."

"B'cuz , o' course, you didn' miss any lines," Rogue said sarcastically.

"At least I have lines, Rogue," Kitty smirked pointedly.

"I'm sure that if Rogue had gone out for this musical as well, she would have a speaking part, too," Ororo tried to mediate before bickering began.

"Good thing she didn't then, huh?" Kitty flipped her bleached-blonde hair over her shoulder and went to go talk with the other girly-girls.

Rogue gritted her teeth and stomped upstairs. Ororo tilted her head to one side and wondered what that had been all about.

"Um, Ms. Munroe?" Jamie asked meekly. "Can you let go of my ear now?"

"Oh! I'm sorry, Jamie," Storm exclaimed, letting go of the young teen's ear. "Now get up stairs and go to bed."

"Alright, alright," he grumbled, following Rogue's clomping path up the stairs. Speaking of rogue, maybe he'd go by the girls' wing and see what her problem was this time. He took every chance he got to spend time in the girls' rooms, just because he was the only guy- except of Roberto- who could without getting kicked out right away.

Rogue had been so distracted when she'd come into her room, that she hadn't noticed that she'd forgotten to close the door all the way. When Jamie got to her doorway and looked in, he found her listening to music with her headphones on, oblivious to the world, obviously de-stressing after a long day.

While listening to her music, Rogue had unconsciously started doing some of the steps and movements from her dance in the musical. It was a good thing for her that it was Jamie who was watching her, and not Remy or Bobby, who would have commented on what she was doing. It was not so good a thing that Jamie was not the innocent little boy he pretended to be so that he could boast his status as being the only straight male allowed in most of the girls' rooms.

He watched as Rogue swayed and undulated, a little smile of appreciation on his lips. He stood and stared for a few minutes before his sense of self-preservation kicked in. He shut Rogue's door for her and walked to the guys' wing happily.

The next day at breakfast, Kitty was trying to get people to come to see the play.

"Come on. You'll love it! Mr. McCoy, it takes place in, like, ancient Rome," she cajoled the big blue doctor. "Professor, they free slaves at the end! Bobby- you'll like split a gut it's so funny. Jamie- there's a guy in a dress! Roberto, you know that hottie Billy that's like on the football team? Picture him in a centurion uniform. And, Remy! Courtesans! You guys, like, have to come!"

She appealed as much as possible to everyone's interests. Rogue rolled her eyes, praying that no one came to see her humiliate herself.

"Of course we'll all come to support you, Kitty," the Prof said.

Rogue about choked on her coffee.

"Yay!!!!" Kitty squealed.

That day, after school, Rogue ran to Ms. White's room in the Fine Art's Wing of Bayville High.

"what's wrong, Rogue?"

"C'n Ah have an undahstudy play mah part?" Rogue asked.

"No," the teacher said firmly. "Not unless you have a good reason."

Rogue growled through her teeth and started pacing. Suddenly, she got an idea.

"Miz White? C'n Ah wear a veil ovah mah face with mah costume?"

"That wasn't in the original plan, Rogue," she pointed out to the student.

"It won't take away from the performance," Rogue promised. "If anythin', it'll enhance it. Believability, ya know? Ah'll be sure ta keep it a matchin' color with the rest o' the costume, so it'll look like it's supposed to be there."

Ms. White sighed heavily and crossed her arms over her considerable chesty-chub. She stayed quiet for a long moment, then dropped her hands. "Okay, but if you can't do your dance with the veil on, you're taking it off and doing it like we've been practicing. I'll see you on stage before the show starts and you can run it so that I can be the judge."

"Fine," Rogue nodded. "Great. Perfect. Thank you, Miz White."

Rogue went directly to the green room to find a matching veil in the costume closet. She found a blueish-green one and rigged it with a small string so that it could tie around her head and not look like a bandana or be too noticeable. She tried it on, just too make sure it covered her face and didn't flop around too much, and she was all set to show Ms. White that she could do her dance with or without the veil, but preferably with.

By the time she was done, she had no desire to go home and angst more than usual, practically giving herself an ulcer, so she called Logan and asked him to tell everybody that she'd see them after the show. He didn't question it, and Rogue went to one of the local restaurants and grabbed some dinner, then went to sit in the grave yard to eat where she was sure that nobody would disturb her. Just to make extra sure, she dug her CD player from her backpack and put her headphones on to listen to some tunes.

Rogue was back in the green room by five-thirty, even though the show didn't start until eight. Ah, the life of an actor.


	3. The Show

Pre-A/N: This'll probably be it. It's been fun, but I've been reliving what we techies called Hell Month, what with the musical and dozens of other shows and awards ceremonies going on in our theatre all around the same time.

-stgcrw24: I kinda answered your question right there, didn't I? I put a mention of the crew in the first chap cuz I was on the NCH tech crew for 5 years. Our crew was always separate from the acting dept., so we weren't cast-offs who didn't make the cut as actors. We were just "The Crew." We always had inside jokes and lots of fun things to say to one another, even when we were really busy and stressed out. I miss all my techie brethren and sistren. LOOK! YOU GOT ME ALL WEEPY! So, anyway, that's a long answer to a short question. I put the crew in cuz I was on it. &%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%

Rogue took her costume to a separate bathroom, away from anyone she might inadvertently bump into, so that she could change. It didn't take her too long. What took the most time was taking off her usual make-up and putting on the stage make-up, all of which she did herself, since she didn't want anyone else near her face. Strangely, there wasn't much difference between the two looks except for foundation and eye shadow color.

On her way back to the green room, Rogue came across Principal Kelley in the hallway. Oh, the joy.

"So, you can't just get through high school and leave, but you have to take away extracurricular activities from deserving students," he sneered. "At least the role is fitting for your kind."

Rogue wanted to deck him, but she kept her temper under control. As much as possible, anyway. "If you'll 'scuse me, Principal Kelley, Ah need ta go warm up with the rest o' the cast (you stupid, bigoted, mutant-phobic, muthah fuckin' bastard)" she said, adding the rest mentally.

She stomped back to the stage and demonstrated to Ms. White that she could do just as well with the veil as without, her determination only fueled by Principal Kelley's harsh comments. As a matter of fact-

"You know?" Ms. White asked. "I think it actually adds something to the performance. Good idea, Rogue."

"Yeah, well, ya know me," Rogue drawled. "Just love ta improve on mah parts." (A/N: Ba-dum-tss!)

Ms. White laughed, her giggle high and girly, yet still managing to be condescending. It was irksome at best.

Opening night filled up the auditorium/ theatre, the crowd made mostly of Institute members. Over half of them had to be threatened or bribed in ordered to go.

"I hope soma dese filles are legal," Remy grumbled, falling into a very squeaky, faded forest green (A/N: think old puke) upholstered chair.

"If my ass isn't detached from my body from laughing, I'm suing Kitty false advertisement," Bobby said.

"Bobby, watch your language," Hank warned.

The house lights went down to half and the usual speech about fire exits, cell phones, blah blah blah was given. The lights were taken out, and the show began. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

.... "Tintinabula!"

Rogue gulped and stepped out, taking a deep breath to calm down as Leo continued with her introduction. She was glad that the lights were so bright that she couldn't see the audience.

The music started and Rogue took her first steps of the dance. Some swaying, a few undulations, a handstand, two back flips and one split later, her solo ended and she got to stop.

"Don't you have anyone less...noisy?" the actor playing Psuedolus asked.

"I have!" Leo said.

Rogue- nice and safe behind her veil, sure that no one had recognized her, even when the cloth had flipped up during the flips- got to move back to stand by Lycus's house. The next time she was needed was to pose in front of Sennex's house, fawn over Miles Gloriosus (pronounced MEE-lays), and run. And for the finale, of course.

Finally, thankfully, the play was over and it was curtain call. She walked out with the two girls who had played Panacea and Vibrata, Rogue in the middle. Unbeknownst to our girl Rogue, Kelley had talked to his nice, human students before the show and got them to do a mission for humanity. It was petty and childish, but it was effective, though not for the reason he wanted. As the girls bowed and Rogue's veil pulled away from her face, each girl on either side took a corner and ripped it off, revealing her face to the world. Well, revealing her face to the audience, but it felt like the whole world.

"Is that-?"

"Holy shit!"

"Rogue?!"

"No way!"

"I always knew the girl had it in her! Go Rogue!"

"Didn't think she had it in her."

"Wonder if she'll 'member dat dance..."

Rogue turned scarlet on stage and severely wanted to kill those two girls. Instead, she did the meditation technique the Professor was teaching her and did just like in rehearsal. She spent the rest of what felt like a paranormally long curtain call plotting her elaborate and painful revenge. It involved a tiger pit, whips, and acid after only the first twenty seconds.

Curtain closed and the girls fled as far away from Rogue as they could get. The rest of the cast followed at a more reasonable pace, filing out into the hall to meet with the audience and let them lavish them with praise over their talent. Rogue ran the opposite direction, straight back to the green room, and couldn't decide whether to destroy everything or start screaming her rage into the cherry-Kool-Aide-flavored-haze filled air.

Outside, the Institute congratulated Kitty, but Rogue's downplayed part was the main focus of conversation. Bobby and Tabitha were the first ones who started the chant, soon picked up by the rest of the X-students.

"Rogue! Rogue! We want Rogue! Rogue! Rogue! We want Rogue!"

Soon, Ms. White was forced to go backstage to collect the girl, who just stood still, quivering with rage, in the green room, not having decided on which activity to engage in first.


	4. After Party

Pre-A/N: Woops, I was wrong. It's a 4 chap story. This is the end, though, mainly because this is where I stopped writing. Hope you've enjoyed. As always, I own not a thing.

-stgcrw24: I am so dumb. Does that stand for 'stage crew?' If it does, I'm such a dork. I just realized that about the letters. If it doesn't, well, I guess I just proved how big a dork I can be. &$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&$&&$&$&$

"Rogue," Ms. White called her attention from the doorway of the green room. "Your friends want to see you outside. They're nearly causing a riot in the hallway."

"No. Ah'm not goin' out there. Ah'm gonna kill those two little-"

"Rogue," Ms. White cut her off. "Just go acknowledge the applause, then you can plan homicide, as long as you don't follow through with it until after closing night, okay?"

"......Fffffiiiinnne......."

Rogue turned around and stomped out to the hall. Before she even reached the stage door she could hear her friends chanting. That almost helped to perk her up, but she was still embarrassed. When the door opened and she stepped out, Rogue was greeted by hoots and applause from her teammates. She crossed her arms under the sequiny elastic band on the bra-top and glared.

"Ah was coerced."

"Y' c'n coerce me anytime, chere," Remy grinned.

"Ah hate you."

"C'n ya keep dat outfit?"

"No."

"Rogue," the Professor cut in, "why didn't you tell us that you were in the play as well?"

"Cuz Ah'm playin' a whore!" Rogue exclaimed, much to the delight of some of the more immature guys standing around the group. "An' not even a high priced one, at that. Gymnasia was two hundred minae. Kitty's character was five hundred. Ah didn' even get a price. Ah'm the practically the two minae ho down on the cornah."

Pretty much everybody got a laugh out of that one and Rogue started to relax a little. If she could laugh at herself, then no one could laugh at her. But she was still mad as hell about getting her veil pulled off.

"Wait a sec," Rogue frowned, noticing a gap in the crowd of her ardent admirers. "Where's Roberto?"

Everybody looked around and finally found him trying to flirt with Miles Gloriosus. Sam glared and marched over to him. He grabbed his unofficial boyfriend by the arm and dragged him away from the hot sophomore.

"Ah've been wond'rin' when Sammy'd get his act t'gethah," Rogue smirked.

"Ooo, the captain is hot though," Tabby admired. "Can't let him get lonely, now can I?"

Tabitha sauntered over to take Roberto's spot next to the centurion.

"Um..." rogue mumbled, looking down at herself. "Ah'm gonna go change?"

"Oh, doan!" Remy said.

"Ah have ta, Ah'm sorry," she mock-apologized.

"C'n I come watch?"

"How 'bout cha get a pictuh, it'll last longah," she suggested sarcastically.

"Anybody got a camera!?" he called out over the crowd, eliciting more laughter.

"D'ya know the meanin' o' 'sarcasm'?" Rogue asked.

"C'n I have a dictionary f' dat one?"

"Grow up."

Rogue left to change out of her costume, still managing to get back into the green room, go to the deserted upstairs bathroom, change, and be back before anybody else, least of which was Kitty.

After everyone was reassembled, Xavier decided to treat everyone to Perkins. Remy sat down next to Rogue the second she chose her seat, and started flirting shamelessly. Kitty was less happy than she ought to have been since she'd been eclipsed by the shock of Rogue on stage. Sam and Roberto were down at the other end of the long line of tables, huddled together and talking about costume rentals. (A/N: Sam as a centurion!)

"So, ya gonna remembah dat dance, right?" Remy smirked.

Rogue stabbed one of her sausage links with her fork and held it up in Remy's face to help her illustrate what would happen to him if he pressed his luck too far. "In ya dreams."

"Oh, yes..." he murmured, looking her up and down, a lecherous grin on his face.

"Ya a damn pervert, ya know that?" she said.

"Naw, I'm not. I couldn't find a camera, remember?"

"Fuck off, LeBeau."

"As soon as we get back," he agreed.

Rogue made a stab for his balls, causing Remy to pull back, accidentally tumbling gracelessly to the floor in Perkins. Not his smoothest move ever, that was sure.

"Children!" Ororo yelled down the table, quieting everyone in the restaurant. "We are in public. Be. Nice. And don't make me have to remind you again."

"Sorry," Rogue mumbled.

Remy just picked himself back up with as much dignity as he could muster and sat back down. That hadn't gone the way he'd hoped. But in less than a minute, he was already planning his next innuendo. %#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#%#

So, how'd ya like it? Yes, that is the end. Sorry, my muse just crapped out on me, what can I say.


End file.
